Today is #ThrowbackThursday, and I’m going back to the first book I published. Before I wrote The Corner of 1700 Hamilton, I had started a high fantasy series. I’ve always loved unicorns and dragons, lots of magic, and it was natural to lean that way. But I also knew that the plot was thin and there was too much head-hopping for the series to be publishable.

That’s why I decided to write something specifically to publish. I was surrounded by friends who were publishing, and I wanted to, too. That’s not a great reason to publish anything, and what I wrote and ended up publishing could have waited (or maybe not have been published at all). I don’t regret writing these two novellas–I had a lot of fun. But speculative romantic fiction isn’t something I’ll ever write again, so this is kind of an outlier to my backlist. But, I have a few of those in my earliest books, experimenting with erotica and a sports romance trilogy.

I don’t even know how I came up with Ben and Lila’s story, but it’s a story written from his and hers POV and it was actually pretty challenging. I had to test my skill when writing the same scenes from their different points of view. These days authors write whole books doing that, like EL James’ Fifty Shades of Grey from Christian’s point of view or Stephenie Meyers writing Midnight Sun, Twilight from Edward’s point of view. I only did 25k words and I couldn’t imagine doing a whole book.

But, here’s my favorite scene(s), when Ben finds out Lila’s single:

“A few weeks ago my fiancée left me for another man. She’d been seeing him behind my back. I was stewing about it, I guess.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” She passed him the flask, and he screwed the little cap back on. He sat it on the ground next to him and it clanked against the train track when it fell over.

“It was for the best. We didn’t love each other. She was just the one who admitted it first.” He thanked Morgan for making him understand that.

“Still though. It’s hard when a relationship ends. How long were you together?” She rushed on, “You don’t have to answer that. It’s too personal. Sorry.”

“No. It’s all right.”

And it was. He liked sitting in the dark with her, talking, the warm buzz of whiskey warming his gut, loosening his tongue.

“It wasn’t too long, actually. But to me it felt right. We were comfortable, never fought. Agreed on everything that mattered. It was like . . . living with my sister, or a friend. We had a camaraderie. Recently I was told that’s not how I should have felt about her, and that’s why she left. To find passion.”

The metallic scent of rocks filled his nose, the mustiness of time gone by with no one to witness its passing.

“She found someone else and left.” He hugged Lila closer, and he grazed his lips across her forehead, unable to stop himself. It didn’t help she was so damn compliant because of the cold. “She found what she was looking for, and I’ve let her go. We’re still friends. She left me her cat.” Ben smiled against the top of Lila’s head when she giggled. “How about you? How long have you and Danny been together?”

It felt natural to ask the question after telling her his story. He was glad he had decided to share, so he had the privilege of asking her questions in return.

“Danny?”

“Yeah. You two seem really close, and I saw how much he loves you. You guys are lucky. I want that, one day.” Ben winced. That sounded like sappy drivel. Maybe he already had too much to drink.

“I suppose I am lucky,” Lila agreed lightly, “but so’s his wife.”

Ben pulled away, appalled. “He’s having an affair with you?”

Lila laughed, the pure sound of it ping-ponging against the tunnel walls like the little silver ball in a pinball machine. “No. Danny’s my brother.”

Ben’s mouth fell open, and he was relieved Lila couldn’t see the astounded look he knew to be on his face. Her brother. Fuck. He never thought that could have been a possibility. They had similar coloring, but never would he have put two and two together to actually get four.

“So who’s the lucky man?” There had to be one; Lila was gorgeous and if he trusted his instincts, and his heart, he believed her to be a smart, funny, and kind woman.

“No one. My last relationship ended a while ago, and I’ve been enjoying being single, waiting for the right man to come along.” She paused, sought his hand in the dark. “I met you in the bar and I was thinking maybe . . . but you seemed so sad, and when you up and left, I thought it was for the best.”

“That’s what I thought too. I thought you were with Danny and it was the right thing for me to do. To go. I didn’t want to though.”

Her hands fluttered along his suit, her fingers skimming his tie, snagging on his tie bar. She cupped his face as she had in The Lucky Clover and reached to place her lips on his. In the complete darkness, her aim was off and their noses bumped. He laughed and tilted his head so their lips met.

***

That’s Ben’s POV, and now, here’s Lila’s:

“A few weeks ago my fiancée left me for another man,” he said bleakly. “She’d been seeing him behind my back. I was stewing about it, I guess.”

Sympathy oozed for him. No wonder he was so skittish. Lila took small comfort it wasn’t her. Well, maybe not all her. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

And she was, for the woman. She couldn’t imagine being stupid enough to let him go.
She handed him the flask; she didn’t want any more.
He screwed the cap back on and set it down. It clanked on the track when it fell over.

“It was for the best. We didn’t love each other. She was just the one who admitted it first.”

Lila was relieved he was free. Maybe she had a chance. “Still though. It’s hard when a relationship ends. How long were you together?” Oh, that sounded nosy. She rushed on, “You don’t have to answer that. It’s too personal. Sorry.”

“No, it’s all right. It wasn’t too long, actually. But to me it felt right. We were comfortable, never fought. Agreed on everything that mattered. It was like . . . living with my sister, or a friend. We had a camaraderie. Recently I was told that’s not how I should have felt about her and that’s why she left. To find passion. She found someone else and left,” Ben said, hugging her and brushing a kiss against her forehead.

Oh God, she was in trouble. Being this close to him, his lips on her skin, made her dizzy.

“She found what she was looking for and I’ve let her go. We’re still friends. She left me her cat.”


That idea seemed so absurd she giggled. Cheat on your fiancé with another man and then ask him to keep your cat. He was a very kind, considerate man to not harbor any ill will towards his ex-fiancée.

“How about you? How long have you and Danny been together?”

Lila’s heart skittered to a stop. She and Danny? How did he get an idea like that? His name caught in her throat. “Danny?”

“Yeah,” Ben said, and Lila couldn’t pinpoint all the feelings behind that one word. Resignation? Sadness? Disappointment? “You two seem close, and I saw how much he loves you. You guys are lucky. I want that, one day.”

“I am lucky.” She was extremely lucky Danny was in her life. She didn’t know what she would do without him. “But so’s his wife.”

Which was true. He treated Mollie very well, and he loved her very much. Lila had been scared, at first, she was losing a brother, but she’d gained a sister. She loved Mollie too, and she adored her little niece.

Ben pulled away. “He’s having an affair with you?” he asked, sounding horrified.

Lila laughed, and the sound echoed off the rock walls. Danny having an affair was as likely as her ever visiting The Maze again. Never in a million years. “No,” she said firmly. “Danny’s my brother.”


“So who is the lucky man?” Ben asked immediately.

“No one. My last relationship ended a while ago and I’ve been enjoying being single, waiting for the right man to come along.”

She’d been enjoying being single, all right. Her relationship with Logan had been a nightmare. It finally took Danny and the threat of a baseball bat to leave her alone.


She took Ben’s hand. “I met you in the bar and I was thinking maybe . . . but you seemed so sad, and when you up and left, I thought maybe it was for the best.”

“That’s what I thought, too. I thought you were with Danny and it was the right thing for me to do. To go. I didn’t want to though.”

She squeezed her eyes shut and made little sparkles burst behind her eyelids. Hearing his low voice confess he hadn’t wanted to leave her behind made her skin prickle and sweat washed over her skin along with . . . desire.

She was alone with Ben in the dark and he’d confessed he wanted her. Kind of. How long had it been since she’d had sex? And not with herself, thankyouverymuch.

He hadn’t wanted to leave her, he was single. He knew now, she was single too. There was nothing stopping them, so she ran her fingers up his chest, over his tie, her fingers skimming over his tie clip.

She cupped his face, her fingers grazing his whiskers.

Lila’s nose bumped his and she was glad he couldn’t see her cheeks flame, but he laughed and adjusted his head so their lips met. He tasted of the whiskey they’d been sipping, his scruff rubbing her lips and cheeks.

I published that back in 2016 or so and its been through a couple rounds of editing and a few covers. It’s not my best work, but I leave it up, proud that it began my journey. I’ve come a long way since, but Ben and Lila will always hold a special place in my heart.